Now I live in Japan, Days 96-100

In which I sort of fall in love with failed presidential candidate Howard Dean and thankfully avoid bankruptcy

These entries were originally written in a private journal, and were edited and published online in autumn 2024. The whole series can be read here: Now I live in Japan

Day 96, 1/22, A Thursday

It’s so cold in my room that I can see my own breath. I hate this aspect of living in Japan. And I could keep the heater running, but the moment I turn it off, I’ll freeze to death anyway so it’s not really worth it. You also need to open the window to keep the kerosene fumes from killing you, but that defeats the purpose of running it in the first place. It’s supposed to warm up mid-week next week so that's something to look forward to.

I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Ever since we met all those teachers in Saga last year, I’m reading some JET blogs online and I’m like, those people have it together. I don’t feel like I do. I’m wasting my time and really just want to be back in the States. That’s about all, really. I could stay here if I could be with someone who I could actually talk to and who might actually be an encouragement. I’m just, I guess ultimately frustrated with God for making me come here with someone I really struggle to get along with. I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be learning. I hate being so uptight. It’s a mark of our family. All we do is worry like a bunch of children.

Classes today went really well, actually. The first kids class really just kicks butt. Those kids are just so great. Mei, Ayamei, Yuki, Miku. I think they really enjoy learning the language which makes it a lot easier. They hate each other though. The girls and boys, I mean. They don’t want anything to do with each other. Poor Yuto, the littlest one, is all confused, I think. He doesn’t understand and frankly, who can blame him.

We decided to go get pizza after eating dinner and rode the train down to Meinohama. I ate a lot, drank a Cherry Coke, and that really made my night. The train was packed on the way home, but we’ve gotten used to it. I dropped one of my gloves and a woman picked it up for me. Japanese culture: totally looking out for each other and we’ve gotten caught up in that kindness.

Day 97, 1/23, A Friday

For the first time, I think I’m really feeling it from a Presidential candidate. That Presidential candidate is Howard Dean. I think he’s going to get the nod from the Dems and I think I might, I just might vote for him. His interview with Diane Sawyer was really good and the things that I liked the least about it were because I knew they were false. I told DK that one thing was for sure, if he was elected President, the country would change significantly. And I meant that as a really good thing.

Today’s classes went well. The kids that usually cause us trouble seemed to be of a better temperament today, meaning they were talking and generally interested in what was happening. The later class had only our two dullest participants, but even that was okay. We just slept walked through it. I re-gave the bible lesson from last week and just hung out until we had our district church meeting. I forgot what I learned. I’m sure I learned something.

I’m trying hard to not daydream about the future. But it’s impossible. I think about myself in El Paso, bar-b-queing on the balcony and looking out over Mexico. Maybe my friends are there. Maybe there’s a girl. Maybe I’ve finally grown up enough to have a girlfriend. Maybe I haven’t. Maybe I’m in love. Maybe I’m not wearing any pants because it’s warm there. It’s not warm here. I am wearing pants. Several layers of pants.

One of these days I’m going to begin writing fiction again and the next day I am going to start reading again.

Day 98, 1/24, A Saturday

I talked to my parents because yesterday was my Dad’s birthday and yesterday here is today. So I called him and wished him a happy birthday. It was an okay conversation. Not really particularly good or bad. I then waited around all day for Ishizuka san to call and take us to the tea ceremony she promised to take us to. She never did so no tea ceremony. When we got home tonight, there was a message from her and she just screwed up my e-mail address. Tired of waiting for Ishizuka san, DK and I went downtown to hang around and get some American food at the American food store. I didn’t really get anything interesting. I then read all of Ephesians in a sitting and played my guitar, actually writing a bit of a riff too. We then watched “All’s Quiet on the Western Front.” Didn’t really get me, but a good film about war and pacifism and stuff that I’m interested in. Maybe I’d like it more if I wasn’t so tired.

Well, DK and I had another talk about staying here and he’s pretty intent on staying. I finally said that it was most likely that I wouldn’t be, that I would probably transfer in country or head home to apply for the JET programme next year or move to El Paso. One of those things. But not staying here with DK. It was easier to say than I thought I guess I will continue floating around, wondering about what it is that I should or shouldn’t do.

Day 99, 1/25, A Sunday

Church today went off without a hitch although I keep falling asleep and today was no exception. It’s because I’m staying up so late, wasting time. Also, Kagimoto san may be asking DK out. Probably not, but she called him tonight after talking to him at church today. I find the whole thing hilarious, like we’re all in high school again and not whatever we are. I’m feeling like staying in Japan today. DK and I are sort of becoming a bit more differentiated, something I didn’t realise needed to happen, but when we came, I think it felt a bit like we were a kind of American Unit that couldn’t be broken up, like a couple of Mormons. Now, it feels less like that and we are doing different things with different people. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but this does feel better.

The rest of the day I just hung, out, slept a little, and later we made meat on the BBQ which tasted like a miracle. Seriously, some of the best chicken I’ve ever had. I am reading a book about Black Studies which is going to be okay, I think. It’s written very, very poorly, but it’s go the facts and I’m a little bit interested in that.

And it’s so cold here today. Now it’s been five days of snow. My little toe loses feeling when it’s so cold. That’s been bothering me a little bit, like I wonder I could do some real damage here.          

We’re really settling into Japan, I’m starting to realize. Things are starting to make sense and we’ve worked out the key daily tasks of going to and from the church and doing our job. I know a little bit more than I used to, the Japanese is going well. I’m not counting days anymore (although tomorrow will be 100). I sent an e-mail to the JET programme to see if there is any way I can still apply for the fall. I don’t think that I can. But I’d like to. We’ll see what happens. Maybe I will end up in El Paso. Maybe I won’t.

In work related news, Kagimoto san and Ishizuka san gave me the money for the textbooks so I’m no longer facing bankruptcy. Kagimoto san also said that Aoi san didn’t want to have a bible study, which puts me in a tough situation given that was part of the deal. I don’t know what I’m going to do about that. We’ll have to wait and see. I’m supposed to talk to Aoi san on Tuesday night. I’m going to ask him, I guess. Tell him that we’re going to do it regardless.

Now I can see my breath. It’s too cold.

Day 100, 1/26, A Monday

100 days. That’s right. An amazing accomplishment, if you ask me. I think I am very close to being away from home longer than I ever have been. Actually, I’m certain that I have been. Now, in celebration, I will tell you about my day:

which was quite possibly the most boring day ever. I’m trying and use more Japanese as I learn it in an effort to impress myself and add a little bit of interest to this diary. I learned all the days of the week today. Segoi ne. That means, wow, right?

The Honda girls, the teenage sisters that seem like they've experienced more of the world already than DK and me put together, were in form tonight and skipped out of the class before the bible lesson. That’s to be expected, I guess. I mean, I would.

I’m still pretty cold, but it didn’t snow today, so that was kind of nice. I think it’s supposed to be even warmer in the next two or three days.

Did I mention my Japanese is getting better? Today I was almost able to order. I got pretty close. “Kore mo onegaishimasu.” I used the particle “mo” and felt like I was completely unstoppable now. Once you can distinguish between wanting one thing and also wanting one more thing, you’re basically fluent.