Now I live in Japan, Days 141-148

In which I locate, by accident, soapland, and wonder what it is that I'm actually doing as a missionary, an English teacher, and a person

These entries were originally written in a private journal, and were edited and published online in autumn 2024. The whole series can be read here: Now I live in Japan

Day 141, 3/06, A Saturday

Well, today began like this: I woke up and it was sunny. Great, I thought, I can ride my bike to my Japanese lesson. So I started to leave and noticed that large, menacing clouds were gathering. I decided to come back and get a plastic bag to wrap Ishi sensei’s book in. When I started riding, in about five minutes it was snowing like was in January. I kept up though and it stopped snowing and then was warm for a while. Too warm. Then I got to Tenjin had my lesson and went looking for Canal City. It got cold again and on my way home, it was so windy that I was actually stopped on my bike. I could not go forward.

Canal City: Incredible place, really. Like really stylized mall in the States. I ate at Wendy’s and studied. Looked around. Almost saw Lord of the Rings. One bad thing—Soapland is over there. That’s right, the REAL soapland. I have never seen a red-light district before, but I think given about eight more hours, where I was would turn right into the sex capital of Fukuoka as far as I could tell.

Japanese Lesson: Well, I learned something, so that was good. It continues to be hard though. I worked through some things and now will be reading the freaking story of the three pigs again.

Day 142, 3/07, A Sunday

I don’t know how it got to be 11:30 so quickly today. Things flew by. This weekend flew by. I went to the Jazz tonight with Kagi san and Aoki san, so I guess we’ll start there. DK didn’t want to go, so I ended up getting his ticket, but I didn’t really want to shell out the money (which ended up being like ¥4000). It was a weird night. Aoki san, that guy… Man, he’s just pretty much who he is: quiet and unassuming. He excused himself at 8 because it was getting late. So it was then Kagi san and me, and it was clear since she had not invited me originally, I was not who she wanted to be with and we ended up making small talk all night about the dumbest things. The music was good but I would have really liked to get some wine, but hard to tell if that was okay or not so I just had a coke and sat quietly.

I didn’t fall asleep during church (score one for the good guys). We ate curry afterwards with everyone. I spoke only a little bit of Japanese and I’m hoping to get some studying done tonight.

Day 143, 3/08, A Monday

Tonight is going to be lame, I’m sorry. All I do now is just hang out and try to study the Japanese. I do that so much. At least an hour every day. I don’t know if that’s going to pay off in the end. I don’t feel like I’m moving at all. I talked to Sensei today and I said like jack. I mean, I forgot everything I knew and I just sounded stupid. I need to practice speaking more often. I need to speak more Japanese.

Man, my entries are lame lately. I need to do something to make this more exciting.

Day 144, 03/09, A Tuesday

The Kanji for A Tuesday is fire. 火

But there was no fire today. I basically taught, got angry with DK, got angry with one of the kids, got angry with myself, taught at Kagi’s and that’s all. I found out that the Backstage, the jazz place I went to, is free most nights. That’s good news and means that the dude will be able to go back. And I will probably go back on Thursday, the day of trees, and I will study Japanese and drink wine and enjoy myself. Because that, and God’s presence, is really all I want out of life. I’m also going to try and call the consulate general tonight and get some questions answered. That will be good. And after that, I’m going to sleep like a baby. Tomorrow we’re going to Thunder mountain. OH YEAH. That’ll rule my balls like nothing else.

Tonight, Kamika san says to me, in front of everyone, “What kind of women do you like?” and I’m like, “Uh.” So I just laughed and laughed and turned very, very red.” My answer, when I had to answer, was pretty uninspiring. “Uh, a girl who likes, uh, poetry and music, and uh, yeah is Christian.”

I’m working on writing my prayer for the service tomorrow, but I think it’s going to suck. I’m not very good at speaking Japanese. And speaking of not being any good at speaking Japanese, I’ve really done a terrible job making progress. I think it’s because I’ve learned a little bit and now I just can’t ferret through what I want to say in the time that I have in an conversation. So I’m like, “Uh, Watashi, uh, wa, uh, what’s the word for, uh,” on and on. The prayer is good though because I am able to write it out and practice it and read through it if I get stuck.

Day 145, 03/10, A Wednesday

Well, went to Thunder Mountain today, one of the hikes the Fukudas, the mountaineering retired couple, has been wanting to take us on. It was great, except I fell into the river three times as we were climbing up. I was so wet. DK and I tried to make it to the top following a path that wasn’t actually there. It went next to the river and while criss-crossing it more than once, I took a couple of spills. It was bad, but the trip was fun and the creek was beautiful and the view was beautiful. I really enjoyed myself.

So I think I found a place for me to work here, but I’d have to sell my soul to work at a big corporation. That’s okay though. I’d only have to work 36 hours a week, plus I’d get paid a lot more than I’m making now. About twice as much. And better yet, I may get to move away from Fukuoka. Or better yet, I may get to stay here. It’s hard to say which would be best if I leave the ministry, if I want to get the hell out of dodge or hang around. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, about what I should do. Praying a ton too. What am I supposed to do? It would be great to not have to worry about money here. It would be great to not have to live with someone else. All these things would be great. But you know, what’s the goal. I don’t know. I’ve been telling people that I just want to be a part of the church here not as a missionary. This would definitely do that. Maybe I just want more freedom. I want to stay in Japan. Anything that will allow me to do that is good, basically. Maybe God will let me move away from DK and not have to do this much longer. Maybe he wants me to stay. Sometimes I just want to look into the future, you know, see it all laid out.

Day 146, 03/11, A Thursday

Tonight I had Jazz, my pipe and wine. What more could I ask for really. Nothing. I went after my Japanese class. I learned a little bit. And that was good, even though I continue to struggle learning. That’s all you need. I studied a little at the club: I was the first person at the club and I listened to the music they was playing. Then a guy played the piano and a guy played the bass. I enjoyed it. It was quiet, I was alone and I thought about my life because I’m kind of trying to make a decision right now. The wine was okay. The pipe was good too.

Well, I’d like to make some money. Yeah, I would like that.

Day 147, 03/12, A Friday

Today's Kanji: 休火山 (rest) (fire) (mountain) The inactive volcano.

I have to make a decision about applying for a job with the English school AEON by May to be placed in October. That’s going to be difficult because now I’m going to have to make a decision. No question. I’m not looking forward to that at all. But I want to stay in Japan so, so bad. I mean, I can taste it. I love Japan, I love Japanese people, I love being here. I actually think I might want to stay in Fukuoka. Maybe move out. That would be cool. But other than that, I think I want to stay here. Maybe God wants that too. I’m praying that he does.

I’m listening to Dave Brubeck’s “Impressions of Japan” that Jules sent me.

Today, we had some college students inspecting. They were really great and I really hope they come back. They seemed like they knew a lot and they have been living in Canada for the last year. They can speak pretty well. It caused me and DK to get back into wondering (again) why exactly it is that we’re here.

Why is it that we’re here? We’re just teaching English but basically not getting paid, right? I think if I decide to get a job with AEON, chances are that I will move out and probably get a scooter. And if I make this choice based solely on money and what would be most comfortable for me? I won’t. I’ll make it because Jesus wants me to and only if he wants me to.

I’m loving Kanji right now, too. It’s starting to make sense to me. I dig that.

Day 148, 03/13, A Saturday

Went to Japanese this morning, and I’m feeling competent again. After the talk with Shiota san last night and a class this morning, I’m feeling a little bit better about the language. Ishi sensei is a pretty good teacher. She gets me thinking and I really appreciate that. Not that Hanaka sensei doesn’t because she does. I enjoy how they are different. It helps me learn.

Today, I was shopping for some Engrish shirts and hit the Jackpot. ¥500 each. I was so happy. I bought 4. One’s even an anti-war shirt that encourages people to “not bet on the wrong horse.” I found them right after I submitted to the gentle nudge of the spirit to not go into the shop that sells Cherry Coke as I might accidentally see porn there. So that was a good thing too. I rode my bike. And rode my bike. Prayed a little.

Still thinking about that AEON job and feeling like I’m going to apply. I will most likely move out too. The things that aren’t working for me in Japan would be resolved right away. And what’s left will be what I want I think. Now it’s just a matter of actually doing something.

I had a good talk with brother last night and I wrote him a very long e-mail about how I felt that the Japanese church needed Japanese leadership and I was struggling with the place of US missionaries. That’s all true. I said that, essentially I didn’t agree with what we were doing and I think I agree with that, more or less. Now I just need to see what it is that I should do to make the most of what I’m doing even if I don’t really believe in it. Thinking a little about marriage and that stuff too, like who I’m actually going to be. I don’t know. It’s all kind of on my mind more or less as I’m trying to sort through this.