Now I live in Japan, Days 120-125

In which I think more about learning Japanese and living in Japan long term

These entries were originally written in a private journal, and were edited and published online in autumn 2024. The whole series can be read here: Now I live in Japan

Day 120, 2/15, A Sunday

I did not fall asleep in church this morning. Verme sensei preached and I was able to follow along with his notes pretty well. I could hear the cues in Japanese, chapter and verse or names or whatever. I also talked briefly with Kato san, not that I could really understand what she was saying or not saying, but I could make out some of it. Ishizuka san also said she would tutor me in Japanese so now I’m meeting with two people and I think that totally rocks my balls off. I’m way excited to learn the language as quickly as I can and no longer wander around not knowing what it is that people are saying. I think being fluent in Japanese would be bitchin’. I mean, I would love to be able to talk to people and also just have that, Oh, I can speak Japanese, under my belt. That would be such a cool thing. Of course, I would lose it pretty quickly if I didn’t use it, I think. But I’d just have to work to keep it up, I guess. But language is the big missing piece of the puzzle right now. I need to work on that like nothing else so that I can get a girlfriend who speaks Japanese.

I asked DK a question that he had asked me a while back, “How much English would a lady have to know before you would consider a blossoming relationship?” We conversed on this topic for a while. With no current permanent return to the States in sight, I’ve come to the conclusion that the right question is, “How much Japanese do I need to know before I consider a relationship with someone who only speaks Japanese?" Plus, I know how to say "I like you" in Japanese. I’ll keep that one in my back pocket.

I rode my bike deep into the rural areas on the outskirts of Fukuoka today (well, as rural as Fukuoka gets). After getting over a couple of mountains, I ended up at the ocean. I sort of poked around for a while looking at stuff and whatnot and decided that I should climb out on some rocks in the water. So I did that and was enjoying myself until I got hit by a wave right in the bum and my shoes got all filled up with water. I tried to get back to the shore, but the waves just kept coming and coming (“And coming, dude?”) Yes, and coming. As you an up the road to the ocean, there was a huge Shinto gate and you could see the Ocean stretched out in front of you. It was the real ocean too with huge waves, not this bay crap. I just watched the water.

Day 121, 2/16, A Monday

I rode my bike out to Tenjin today to have my Japanese class. I talked for a little while about what I wanted to do on Saturday and how I wasn’t able to find a kite even though I looked for it. I learned how to report speech for the monologue, so that was kind of cool. Hanaka sensei is getting better at teaching and I’m really enjoying the classes. I’m feeling like before long, I may be able to be pretty freaking good at the language. That is, if I keep working my ass off. Now, with Ishi san helping, I think it will be pretty good.

Anyway, so today Hanaka sensei asks me about my Valentine and I’m like oh it was cool, we didn’t do anything. And she’s like, No one gave you any chocolates or anything? And I was like, No, well, I mean DK got some stuff, and I realized as I was saying this that Hanaka sensei and Kagi are pretty good friends and I probably should have kept my big fat mouth shut. Anyway, her face lit up and I’m like, Shit, and before you know it, we’re talking about Kagi san’s damn chocolates. And I’m like, Yeah, we just didn’t know how to read it, and DK doesn’t know if he should think, I mean should he think-? And Hanaka sensei is like nodding wildly with a giddy look on her face. I just started laughing. This is not what either of us needs.

Day 122, 2/17, A Tuesday

Well, I just taught all day. One of the kids kept hitting me in the back in the kidney. I can take it once, maybe twice, maybe three times, but he kept doing it. I was getting so angry. I think, tonight, if I had a scooter, I’d ride it out into the country, and sit on the beach, with all the stars and smoke a pipe on the beach.

The English class at Kagi san’s went well tonight. I think everyone learned a lot. We talked about sin too, so that was good and I think Kimika san is asking good questions, so I’m happy about that. Aoi sensei didn’t show up, but that’s okay. He was busy, I think. Kimika san left after the Bible Study and we hung out, me and Kagi san and Ishi san, just shooting the shit. I told them about wanting to pray for revival in Japan and how my heart was growing for that and stuff, like we were a bunch of friend, like I was back in college. I talked about how I was learning about Japanese wa and how it was maybe the key to preaching the gospel here, and they listened politely.

I think I’m going to get a pipe.

Day 123, 2/18, A Wednesday

I ride my bike and I ride my bike. When it’s warm, I can ride and ride because I’m happy. It’s beautiful and I went to the ocean as I always do. I also wrote a letter to Dr. Hauerwaus because I felt like I should. I don’t know what my deal is with the ocean. I suppose that for right now, living here, I’m trying to go there as often as I can because one day I won’t be able to. And I’m realizing that is true about everything in my life right now. It’s very fleeting. I need to grab life and suck the marrow out, live as though I am truly committed, not just wasting my time. That means three things, I think: A) I need to stop masturbating, B) I need to smoke my pipe when it comes, and C) I need to get a scooter. I’m daydreaming of riding home from Tenjin on a scooter with the sun setting, coming around the corner at Imajuku and deciding that I will keep riding out to the country so that I can see the sunset.

Day 124, 2/19, A Thursday

Today has been a disappointment in that the days hasn’t given me much good to write about. Except this: I saw Hoop Dreams tonight and I have to say, it was one of the most incredible things I have seen. Just a phenomenal story all around. I am always struck by how incredible real life can be. And real life, not reality television. I think Hoop Dreams did an excellent job of being real. It was really touching. Redemption, loss—it has everything. It may become one of my most favorite films of all time. Maybe not. We’ll see. Anyway, I really enjoyed it.

That glossy feeling of Japan as a kind of theme park, wonderland has gone again, but I still want to stay. It’s funny how it comes and goes, how sometimes it’s like you want to look over your shoulder at everyone you’ve ever known and point at something you’re seeing and say, Can you believe this? And then at other times it feels so normal to be here, like everything that I used to marvel at is just the way things are, the way things have always been. Of course you leave your house at ten night to walk across the street to use a vending machine. Anyway, obviously this means I’m not really interested in going home. I just dig being here and I don’t want that to change. I don’t think it’s going to either. I think I’m pretty content to stay here.

I practiced some Japanese with Hagino san today and she helped me get a bit unstuck on a few things. I like when it’s just the two of us talking because I don’t feel like I’m showing off or one-up DK. With the two of us, things can be a kind of competition because we’re like the same person here, like a unit. Still thinking a little bit about what I’m going to do in the next year, but it’s not really as pressing as it used to be. Now I’m really just settled in and soon it will be March and I’m just starting to feel like I’m a part of this place and it’s feeling natural. Ishi san e-mailed me again and we set up our Japanese class for Saturday. I will master this language, I assure you that.

Day 125, 2/20, A Friday

Today began with a call at the ass crack of dawn to mom and dad to wish mom a very happy birthday. Maybe ass-crack is a little much, but it was early. Our talk went well, for the most part. I don’t think mom is particularly happy that I am planning to stay here for as long as I plan to be here. Anyway, I think she had an okay birthday.

I rode out to Futumigaura today to find a place I saw on the map and watched to check out, another beach past the one that I normally ride out to. I took an picture of myself that I was proud of and I nearly died going up one of the hills. I though I was going to puke out my guts, but I didn’t, praise God.

Tomorrow is my first lesson with Ishi sensei, but meanwhile our English classes were terrible today. I was so tired at the end, but tomorrow a lot of walking and learning is going to happen. I’m looking forward to it.