Now I live in Japan, Days 101-106

In which I go to a jazz concert and reflect on what an ass month January is

These entries were originally written in a private journal, and were edited and published online in autumn 2024. The whole series can be read here: Now I live in Japan

Day 101, 1/27, A Tuesday

Tonight, begins here, at the end of the night. I’m getting off the train at Kawabata to switch trains and I feel a breeze in my pants. Odd, I think. There are people everywhere. I look down. I freak. I grab for my zipper. It’s like a bad dream. I’m wondering if anybody saw. I don’t think they did. Then when I got on the next train, it started with a jolt and I sort of bumped the guy behind me. I had my headphones on, but I turned around and saw that he was looking at me. At the next stop, he tapped me on the shoulder and pointed at his pants, which had a scuff on them. I said, “Watashi?” and he said, “Hai,” and I said, “Sumimasen,” and put my headphones on. I totally blew him off. I don’t know if that’s good or bad.

I decided I am forcing the Bible study on the Tuesday night class. Regardless of what they want. Aoi san didn’t seem really happy. Kagi san kept asking him if he was okay with it, and I’m like (thinking), Well, man, he signed up for it.

Apparently DK’s not going on a date with Kagi san this weekend. I’m going too apparently. It should be a good time. We’re going to a jazz bar. Ishizuka san is going. Ishizuka san is also going to go with me to see Lord of the Rings (allegedly). I’m pretty happy about that. She also said she wants to have children in the States and I’m beginning to wonder if we’re actually going on a double date.

Classes today went okay. Sensei complained to us that maybe we are teaching a little too fast. Someone complained to him. Anyway, of course, DK made a point of telling me that he wasn’t teaching any faster than either of us were. He’s got plans to teach through the bible from Genesis to the gospel in the year, which seems ambitious to me, but whatever. It’s hard to judge how much people are taking in anyway, and the bible portion of the English teaching is a mixed bag, depending on the class.

Day 102, 1/28, A Wednesday

Sensei talked for a while tonight about raising Pastor’s kids. He was a Pastor’s kid as well and it seems like his father was an important person in the church for some time. It was cool to hear him open up, albeit through Hagino san’s interpreting. You can tell he really loves his kids and wants the best for the church and his family and Dan and me. I wish I could really talk to him.

Day 103, 1/29, A Thursday

I awoke this morning to Hagino san on the phone asking if I was coming to the Mom’s and Tot’s class. No, I said, I didn’t think I would be able to because I was still feeling sick. She had driven over here, apparently, I think she was a little upset that I hadn’t called. We’ll see what happens next time I see her. You have to be careful here to not make any assumptions, because you’ll inevitably get something wrong and then find out later, oftentimes much later, that you really upset someone without knowing it.

To be honest, I’m pretty happy that soon it will no longer be January. January is an ass month. It makes me feel like ass. Maybe this is just because I’m so sick. I’m pretty sick. I’ve got the flu, I think. I couldn’t sleep last night and ended up being awake from 4:30 to 6:30 this morning, apparently also keeping DK up by being so loud. Well, I’m sorry. I was shaking so bad, I was so cold, I felt like terrible. I’m hoping that February will warm up.

Classes went okay. We had a 2 and 1/2-year-old sitting in on the first class. He was a little young, I think, but I think he enjoyed playing. And my Japanese class was okay. I took the train out and I think I learned something.

DK said today that he was “98%” sure he was staying. I am “98%” sure I am not staying. In Fukuoka, at least. I’m loving Japan though. I was riding in the train tonight and was like enamoured by the fluorescent lights in the train and the darkness outside. I’m sure exists in the States in the same way, but for me, I experienced it or noticed it first here, so for me it’s a Japanese phenomenon.

Day 104, 1/30, A Friday

Tried to start another story today, but I can’t write. I don’t know what to write about. I’m completely lost, like I can’t tell a story anymore. Do I write about Japan or not? Some sketches of Japanese things that I want to use someday:

“The train runs along the bay, after the Imajuku station. For thirty seconds, the track runs right against the water, only the road in between you and the beach. I sit on the right side of the train so I can watch it. The passengers don’t take notice, huddle over cell phones, nodding off against glass or their shoulder. The schoolgirls stare at me. Then there is a tunnel. The whole car is sleeping.”

“In Tenjin, you can’t help but be swallowed up in the crowd’s press. You cross the street and you, the plural you, the moving Japanese machine, is at least three hundred. In the crowd, you can’t move, but move forward. In the crowd, you are anonymous and in Japan, it is okay to be anonymous because you are anonymous and Japanese too.”

“When you see another gaijin, you feel worried, like you might be found out to be a fraud. That you able to fool all the Japanese, make them think you belong in their country, while the other gaijin, they know you don’t because they know they don’t. They know you can’t speak the language and they do not look away from your awkwardness. You know it because you think the same things about them.”

“You can’t explain the frustration of being unable to communicate with a clerk. I felt it today, trying to mail a padded envelope. The clerk wanted to ask if it was a letter or package, but didn’t know the English word. He wrote, Letter on a piece of paper and I understood (wakaru). Then he wanted me to fill out the customs sheet which I didn’t understand. ‘Yen koko?’ I asked, broken Japanese.”

Maybe I will write a good story. I used the simile, Her body turned away like an overpass truss. I like that wording. It sounds good to me for some reason.

Day 105, 1/31, A Saturday

Today was the day of the double date and not to ruin the surprise, but it was neither double, nor a date. So me and DK and Ishizuka san and Kagi san were supposed to go to jazz tonight. DK and I made our way down to Tenjin around 6:30. We were looking for something for mom for her birthday, but didn’t find anything. We met Kagi san at the train station at 7:30 and Ishizuka san didn’t show up as DK had assumed, but I was hoping she might. DK and me and Kagi san made our way out to the IMS building for dinner. Kagi san was pretty well dressed. I was, sort of, except that I decided to put on my Chucks instead of my boots. We ended up eating at a pasta place and I practiced asking for water in Japanese. Kagi san laughed pretty hard.

Anyway, so we made our way out to the club and it turned out that they were having a Flamenco dance party there. The place looked pretty cool and the doorlady spoke some English so DK and I were talking to her while Kagi san was looking through the phone book for another jazz club. They were going to let us coming into the private party for ¥2,000, but Kagi san had us in a cab before we knew what we were doing.

The place she took us to was this like little strip mall that was all closed up and in a crappy part of Tenjin. We got out of the taxi and walked into the mall. I was pretty certain there would be no jazz as I couldn’t hear it, but as we walked, I heard a horn. And we turned a corner and it was even clearer. Kagi san paid our cover charge though we tried to pay (not very hard) because it was “her mistake.” Anyway, we went into this club and there were maybe 35 people there in this tiny bar covered in Jazz posters. The guy who was leading the band was white, playing the trumpet. They had a grand piano and drums and a bass and when we came in everyone turned to look at us. When they finished the song they were playing, the trumpet player (who turned out to be named Mike Price), talked to us, said it was good to see us and, “Would you teach me some English?” It was pretty incredible. The jazz was real. The drummer kicked ass. I got a coke with some ice-cream in it. I was completely elated. The Japanese people in the bar totally dug the music too. We only saw about 45 minutes of the music, but it was enough to bring down the house. We talked to the trumpet player afterwards and he was really cool. Said he would e-mail us the name of a friend of his who had a bar in the city and we should go have a beer with him sometime.

On the train ride back I sat next to this guy who had just totally puked all over the car.

Day 106, 2/01, A Sunday

Now it’s February. It’s likely that in exactly 8 months, I will be on a plane back to the States. That seems unfortunate to me, but I’ve been thinking pretty seriously about coming back here with the JET programme so I’m not too upset about it. In fact, it may be very good to go home for a little while, get my crap together and then come back and make some money and fix some of the things that suck about living here. Although, there’s not a lot that’s really bothering me now except my financial situation. I know that’s pretty rare for me to not be pissed off about anything so I’m going to enjoy myself.

Church was okay today. Afterwards I slept for maybe three hours.

I’m thinking about working on some sort of treatise on missions as I’m going to have to start thinking about what I’m going to say when I go home. I wasn’t really rosey about it today. I was thinking about telling people that missions in Japan is failing and needs to be completely re-thought. Maybe I believe that a little bit, but it certainly isn’t entirely accurate. I’m coming to realize that though I love Japan, I don’t love missions in Japan. I think that’s why something else would be so good for me. I’d love to come here as an observer instead of what I’m trying to do right now which is really change something. I don’t think that can really happen right now. I’m not in a place for that.

Also, with all the awkwardness of these double dates, the confusion and misunderstandings, I’ve been thinking about what it would actually be like to date a Japanese woman. If I can say that. I don’t think I can.

I’m reading about Japan a lot these days too. That’s been pretty cool. I have to finish this book that I’m working on. Anyway, now I’m going to go study for my Japanese lesson so I can improve tomorrow at class and to which I’m going to ride my bike to I think so I also need to get some sleep. You stay well, dear diary. I love you.